03 August 2006

Bier Bitch

Travelling with me is never dull or boring. And this trip was no exception! I was headed to San Jose, California--where Matt & Lily [aka Groom & Bride] live and in honor of their upcoming nuptials--in which I was a groomswoman. Delta Airlines--in the true spirit of service decided that the quickest/shortest/best route to San Jose from San Antonio is via Salt Lake City. Utah. I have a 3.5 hour layover [again, thanks Delta] and so I get on a few websites to see if there's anything close by the airport--that's worth a taxi/train ride to kill a bit of time. I'm not exactly sure of what there was because on the SLC WEBSITE there is a link about "our [Utah's] liquor laws." great. NOTHING good can come of clicking on this link, but intruiged, I have to click. 3.2 beer. are you kidding me? this wouldn't be bad if the beer was cheaper--but it's not going to be because--hello--it's an airport! well, I was rather distraught by this and forgot about checking into local must-see things close to the airport.

As I'm boarding the plane, I remember that I never figured out what I was going to do while at SLC airport--oh well, I guess I'll drink a few 3.2 beers and catch up on my reading. The flight up was fine...until about 30 minutes outside of SLC, when it started raining [head to Texas dear rain, head to Texas!] then the plane rocked and dipped and dropped and every person on the plane was bracing the seat in front of them as we wobbled towards the runway. When we landed, the entire plane broke out in clapping and the flight attendant announced "whew! we made it!" The clapping stopped shortly after when we realized that it was raining quite hard on the ground and being in a baby plane--we would deplane on the tarmac and have to walk [in the rain] to the terminal. joy. FINALLY reach the terminal--not quite soaked, but wet enough to be freezing while in the terminal! now....where's 3.2 beer?!?!?!?

Ahhhh....Salt Lake City. For a bit of fun with the locals, I have discovered it's best to wear one's Auslander Bier Bitch t-shirt. [For those unaware, The Auslander is a restaurant/biergarten in Fredericksburg--directly across from the wine shop...you can check it out at www.theauslander.com]. The SLC locals there aren't sure where to divert their eyes once they've read your shirt...a few will smile--until they realize you're watching them and then a frown and eye diversion quickly follows! It's even better if you head out of the terminal [it had stopped raining by now] and walk through a nice group of people waiting on several Elders to return from missions. This would for most people send them straight to hell....as far as I'm concerned, if I'm not already going to hell, I doubt that this would be the deciding factor. I'm looking around outside, breathing in the mountain [and jetfuel] air when my tummy starts rumbling and I realize it's now 6pm Texas time and I haven't eaten since breakfast. So I head back in and go through the security check. Here's a bit of advice: if you are in the SLC airport and you are wearing your bier bitch t-shirt, and the security guard asks why you left the terminal, "to smell the fresh mountain air, of course" should not be your response. I had to do quite a bit of eyelash batting to keep from getting the "thorough search," although it would have killed a bit more time [did I mention that Delta actually got us there 30 minutes early--thus giving me 4 hours??]

I find a pub to eat at...and Holy Foreign Beer Batman! There's Stella Artois on the list. I order [because surely Stella would never succumb to 3.2 status]. I am informed that it has a high alcohol content. I inform that, no it has a normal alcohol content. She [being the waitress] opens her mouth to argue, notices my t-shirt, closes her mouth and walks away. I am then presented with a cool--not cold--Stella. I ask for a glass. It NEVER appears. I order. The food was the worst I've ever tasted. period. end of discussion. She NEVER asks about it [even though I sent away a full plate of food]. I leave a $1 tip. I have to say that as a waitress, I know there are times that it gets busy and you neglect your table and I've done it--it happens. But it wasn't busy. She wasn't busy and I NEVER GOT MY DAMN GLASS FOR MY STELLA! ahem....of course making it worse was a phone call I received from my father proclaiming that he got married.

SAYWHAT?!?!?!?!? Had I been able to find my waitress, I probably would have ordered 3 more high-alcohol beers, chased with 5 shots of liquor, and after that would have been a little more lax about my crappy service and food and she could have perhaps gotten $5. Needless to say [but I'm saying it anyway] I was shocked. And for the very first time in my life speechless. Yes me. Yes speechless.

Nothing makes time fly like crappy food, non-cold beer, and family drama...so soon I was saying adios! Salt Lake City and hola! San Jose...

:) shez

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